the best places to makeout in 2025
specifically in chicago because i live here and i like sucking mouth
WOW!
I cannot believe it’s already 2025 HOLY MOLY!!!!
Venus entered Pisces today! Exciting. No matter what decade, year or how little you care about the zodiacs, I know your heart has been bah-rump-pah-pum-pumming for some action!1
So text your crush you are thinking about them. Text your side hoe that you want some mo’. Post your significant other you want them to be a mother. Send a message to…a…um…uh…
Whatever, let’s get freaky. Top 10 places to make out in 2025 in the midwest area.
1) Tony D’s
Tony D’s is a sports bar located in my home town of Elmwood Park, Illinois. There’s nothing more subtle that a new modernized sports bar made from the remains of an old family restaurant that I have no nostalgic ties too. Under new management since 2023, live entertainment, a little discreet gambling wall, street tacos and a bunch of televisions to grab your attention on the wall. This is the place to do it. DO NOT luck out on their signature margaritas. They do have karaoke at this location.
2) Ernest Hemingway’s Birthplace Museum
Is your love-bug a bookworm? Well, this is the right place for the both of you to share a smooch. Right where Clarence and Grace Hemingway did their dirty bidding. The house is a Queen Anne built in the 1890s, so you can treat your QUEEN to a tour through the riches of a niche tour site in the middle of a suburb and make out. Hemingway’s Bistro is around the corner. They serve rabbit and snails. How French! I will probably never be a homeowner and I’ve come to terms with that.
3) Dave and Busters- Rosemont
You can drink, eat, bring your children here, play GuitarHero, and smooch all you want after getting extra tipsy. You can’t makeout inside the establishment because that’s SUPER weird. There’s like hella kids there and that will totally ruin the vibe. Kids are digusting and stupid and you don’t want those snot-bubbling kids ruining your romantic moment after you enjoyed a great game of air hockey and won your sweetums a slinky and a glass that says “Dave and Busters” on it. Go enjoy that shooter you snuck in with your babe out on the soothing concrete and come back in to play some Flappy Bird.
4) The Shrine of Christ’s Passion
If your sexy body loves another body that is holy and righteous, then this is the place for you. Located right outside of Illinois in Saint John, Indiana, the Shrine of Christ’s Passion tells the grueling story of the painful journey Jesus took to avoid our sins. Let’s just say you’ll burn some calories as well for this walk is a half-mile long, with interactive narrations of every vital event of Jesus Christ. There are benching on the way where you can sit and make out. For my Christian and Catholics out there this is the place to meet your face to face with your babe(s).
5) Starbucks Reserve Roastery
Whether you like your coffee black, white or from Columbia, this is the place to go. Starbucks is where everybody brings their dates to. You only want to go to the second floor for they have the most secret drinks and snacks you can not get at any other cafe. They have the warmest staff and drinks you’ll ever come in contact with…and hopefully this will be followed with a warm embrace and sex from your lover.
6) Lincoln Lodge
Hahaha! You want to have some laughs but also some kissing action? Lincoln Lodge is the place to go. Definitely make out in the single stall bathrooms, they have the most sexiest, free to use, restrooms in the Logan Square area. Trust me, bathrooms around there are hard to find. Take your date there. Please. I need more people to support me in my stand-up comedy career.
7) Bachelor Grove’s Cementary
If your hot babe is a goth babe than take them to this gorgeous, one of a kind, haunted attraction! Yes, you read that correctly, it’s the most haunted site in the Illinois’s region. A gorgeous swampy ecosystem, with a path that leads to many unnamed grave sites PISSED that they’re stuck there. Please, be respectful! You will get cursed. Trust me. I am cursed because of this place. No one can ever truly know what I’ve done to get rid of it.
8) Alamo Theatre
Now this is the theatre to be at. If you want quick service and notepads to doodle on with your boo boo bear, you’ve come to the right place. Right in the heart of Wrigleyville, you’ll find this theatre resting on the third floor above a Laser Tag place that I have not checked out so I cannot claim whether or not I’d go there but GO to the ALAMO. Do not be late and you cannot leave your seat to pee. So your partner better be ready to sit and smooch in SILENCE. YOU WILL be kicked out. I’m not allowed back anymore because I laughed too hard during the showing of Drive-Away Dolls…but how could you not????
9) Sluggers
Batta-batta SWING for all my swingers out there, go grab a drink at Sluggers! The batting cages are so much fun! You have to wait in line and there are a lot of men in Vineyard Vines shirts who look a LITTLE dangerous but this makes you look exceptional if you identify as a dude. Go get some balls thrown at you, you dog. I like the dueling piano’s but they never take my song recommendations.
10) Spanky’s
You can smoke a cigarette, vape, and play free pool. Great place to go if it didn’t work out actually. NO, you can’t get spanked, I already asked. Fuck, I’m so lonely.
BON[E]US PLACE!!!) Willis Tower
WOAH! You’re stomach won’t only be churning from the butterflies in your stomach but from the feeling you’re falling off of a huge skyscraper building on top of the WILLIS TOWER! If they weren’t a real Chicagoan, you can mention how you always called it the Sears tower as a kid. 100% guaranteed, they will(is) cum.
That’s it. Happy 2025.
Always wear protection. We don’t need any more people. Please. Stop breeding.
Except to my aromantic and/or orthodox asexual readers out there. I acknowledge your existence.